* Did you take a bath?" --> "Why, Is there one missing?"
* "Are you chewing gum?" -->"No, I'm John Smith."
* "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."-->"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
* "What are you going to be when you graduate?"-->"An old man"
* "I spent three years in college taking medicine."-->"Are you well now?"
* Do you say a prayer before you eat?"-->"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
* "I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for Dinner."-->"Who wants to eat friends?"
* "We are having mother for dinner, darling."-->"Make sure she's well done."
* "I want some rat poison."-->"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"
* "May I hold your hand?"-->"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."
* "Does water always come through the roof in this place?"-->"Only when it rains."
* "When will you straighten out the house, dear?"-->"Why? Is it tilted?"
* "Do you have big plastic bins?"-->"Yes, how many bodies do you want to dispose of"
* "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"-->"No, you'll have to walk"
* "Now that you're married, you should have some insurance."-->"Why? My wife isn't dangerous."
* "I have changed! My mind."-->"Does it work better now?"
* Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?-->Customer: "What other colors do you have?"