Top Ten Questions Paris Hilton Asked Herself Before Buying A Monkey:

Will I still want a monkey when I'm sober?

Can it be trained to hold a video camera?

Should I consider leasing?

Will it get along with Lindsay Lohan's orangutan?

If I don't buy this monkey, does that mean the terrorists have won?

Will it get along with whatever wealthy twit I'm currently engaged to?

Does Louis Vuitton make monkey-wear?

Which species got the best rating from Consumer Monkey Reports?

Should I get the extended warranty that covers replacement monkey parts?

Does it go with my shoes?