10. Suffering from insomnia because she's not used to sleeping in the same bed every night
9. Too depressed to participate in prison riots
8. Desperate for intimacy, she made a boyfriend out of a stuffed laundry bag
7. She's ballooned to 93 pounds
6. Only time she said, "That's hot!" was during delousing
5. Knitted a tea cozy from rat fur (sorry — that joke was left over from an old Martha Stewart list)
4. Only call she received was from Eddie Brill asking her out
3. Was overheard muttering something about voting for Kucinich
2. Started a pen pal romance with Phil Spector
1. At last night's conjugal she seemed distant