10. "I hope the candles don't set fire to that thing on his head"
9. "Hey, the Dominos guy is here"
8. "Do I really have nothing better to be doing?"
7. "I'm suprised he showed up — usually Trump hates attention"
6. "Look, David Hasselhoff's eating cake off the floor" — this joke never gets old
5. "Who invited the guy with the drug-resistant tuberculosis?"
4. "It's my birthday, I'm a billionaire and you're telling me there's no 'slaw?!"
3. "Wow, a $10 gift card to Old Navy"
2. "Lindsay Lohan left rehab for this?"
1. "Letterman . . . sorry, no Letterman on the list"